In my second post I told all of you that I had been in pain for 9 years without any help from doctors and that was when I decided to start taking a low dose pain killer (hydrocodone). At the time I needed relief from my extreme neck and back pain, and my headaches. I was at the end of my rope and was willing to do whatever to have a bit of relief. That was about 4 years ago. And I really am grateful I did that because it gave me some help for 4 years, when I had no other options. I still went to doctor after doctor trying to figure it out, the pain killers were just there to help me along my way.
At the end of March I got a strong feeling that I needed to stop taking them. I still was in pain, but I knew I had been taking my pills for so long that I really didn't know what my real pain was, and what was pain that my body and brain were generating so I would take my prescription. My body was dependent on having a dose of 1 pill every 4-6 hours during the day (3 a day). I had been feeling that getting off them was the next step in getting better, but I was scared to do it. I wanted to go off of them cold turkey because every time I tried to take less than my normal dose I was miserable anyways, so I might as well go through all the yucky withdrawals at once instead of prolonging the misery. I did it and my sweet husband was super supportive. He took care of the kids and helped me in anyway that he could. The worst part of it was that I had this awful pain in my jaw on the right side that would come and go, which I later figured out was allergies. When your sinuses in your cheeks get inflamed from allergies, it can make the whole side of your face hurt. It was so awful! It almost felt like my cheek was burning, like I was holding it up to a hot burner. To fix this, Doctor Alex gave me some liquid iodine and I add 4 dropper fulls to my neti pot full of water and salt solution and use it twice a day. A small miracle for me. Who would have thought I'd move from Oregon to the desert, and then develop allergies for the first time in my life?
I'm setting all this up so I can tell you how I found relief. I have been in pain ever since I went off my pain pills, and with my allergy pain I have taken a few pills when it was too much for me to bear (about 10 pills in the last 3-4 weeks). I was bummed to have to take any, but considering before I was taking about 21 per week, I was feeling okay about it.
I also have blogged before on the fact that I believe in the law of attraction. That alike attracts alike. That your thoughts actually shape your life. Have you noticed that that dramatic people have a lot of drama in their lives? Or that happy people have happy lives? I think this works on 2 levels. That you actually do attract to your life what you think about, and when you're focused on how good or bad things are, you're going to see just that. Its like your vision and thinking is filtered with what your thoughts are concentrating on. So its good to think about what you want in life. To have a destination and goals.
What I wanted most in this whole world was to not be in pain (and still do) and to be healed so I wouldn't have a hurting body and depression and anxiety. I wanted that so bad that I was fighting the pain. And I was having a hard time thinking about being healed because I was in constant pain.
Yesterday I stayed home from church because I was in so much pain and I decided to look up videos on law of attraction and pain on Youtube. I found this one amazing video that completely changed my thoughts. Its a little deep, so I'm hesitant to share the actual video.
I was always feeling like there was something I was or wasn't doing that wasn't enough. I felt guilty about everything- I'm so impatient with my kids, my house is messy, I'm not teaching them all I want to teach them, there are days I don't do 100% of what Dr. Alex has told me to do, maybe I should be tougher about my pain, etc..... I was always beating myself up and figuring there must be something I wasn't doing, or that I wasn't being patient enough in my afflictions because most of my thoughts and prayers were about how I wanted to be healed (right now!) and wanting to feel better.
The video I watched changed everything that I was thinking. I'm about to share something amazing that I'm hoping will help some of you. The number one thing you must think and believe is:
You are right where you need to be.
You need to make peace with that.
You are okay where you are at in this moment.
You are not supposed to be in a
different spot in your life.
You can only start from where you are at in your life right now. Its okay to be right where you are at. In any way you think about it, the fact (and reality) is you are where you are. Period. And once you make peace with that it gets rid of all the guilt and it makes it so you can start from here, from right where you are. It gives you a clean slate to start from. Instead of burdening yourself with 'I should have done this' or any other guilty or bad thought, making peace with the fact your are where you are and that it is okay makes it so you can move on and up.
Once you do that you can open your mind up more to changing your thoughts even more. So the next thing you need to do is make the pain your friend. Stop fighting it and stop connecting it to your emotions. You need to stop resisting and/or trying to block the pain. Even though the pain isn't what you want, you need to change how you think about it. Instead of trying to not feel it, really think about it and feel it, where its at, how it feels. Does it change or move from minute to minute? Notice when it gets better and hyper focus when that happens.
For me it was too much of a jump to think about and imagine being healed because I couldn't remember or fathom not being in pain. Stop pushing the pain away, pushing against it. I know that sounds weird and sounds wrong at first but stay with me. There is a difference between (1) being in pain and discouraged and (2) being in pain and being hopeful. Here is what your thought process needs to be next (this is what changed it all for me and took a huge weight off my shoulders mentally):
~I am grateful for this pain because it is there to provide to contrast. (If you didn't have the pain you wouldn't know that you wanted to be healthy and to feel better. When you have a problem, it's good, because it gets your attention and it makes you want to find a solution. If you didn't feel pain, you wouldn't appreciate what its going to be like to feel good. That's how we make things better in our world, we see something we don't like and find a way to improve it. And when you are grateful for it, it changes the way you're thinking about it in a way that makes it so you're not resisting or fighting the pain. I believe God gives us challenges for a purpose, that we are suppose to grow from our specific challenges).
~ I know it will be better (It was too hard of a jump for me to think of myself being healed but I could definitely think of getting better, my mind could wrap itself around that).
~I'm looking forward to it being gone.
~It doesn't have to stay around forever.
~I know there will be a time when I will appreciate my pain because I will know how good it feels to be without it.
~I can still be grateful and happy, even though I have pain.
~The pain is not punishment for something I have done.
~I can release it.
~Life is supposed to be good.
~I'm supposed to feel good in this physical body.
~It is right that I feel good.
These thoughts changed my pain as soon as I REALLY took them in and let them change my way of thinking. I had been thinking the wrong way for so long (remember one of the definitions of insanity is to do the same thing over and over expecting different results). As soon as I stopped fighting my pain and accepted it, that gave me hope, and made me feel better. I still have the pain, but its so much bearable, and the more I think these thoughts the more it fades and fades. I KNOW that learning this is what I needed to do to open myself up to being healed. Some of you may find that changing your thoughts you are healed quickly, and some of you may be like me may need others help to heal (my thyroid supplements, etc).
I know our minds are more powerful than most of us believe. Please try this. I am so excited about feeling better, and feeling different about my pain that I had to share.
